Ouran High School Theories
by Tono Radish
Summary: Have you even wondered what the heck was going on in the host club's plot of Swiss cheese? Well I, along with a host will be answering your questions! XD Read and leave lots of questions!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Hey guys it's Tono and I just started watching the show and reading the manga AGAIN for like re 90th time this week. Anyways I was looking and stuff and I realized I had a lot of questions and I bet you do to, so along with my usual stories I'll be doing this little thing answering your questions and mine along with others hosts you can request or I pick for you! So yeah you can ask anything! And I'm gonna ramble now so here are some trial questions I guess? Meow!

Q&A Time!

QUESTION ONE!

Why are there practically no boys enrolled at ouran? I swear to god I make fan Fics with guys in them just to even out the sex ratio. I have two theories to answer this.

Number 1!

Ouran was formerly an all girls academy, like lobelia, but one day they realized there would be no story in an all girls school academy so they made things interesting by allowing a few guys to enroll, and by guys I mean the most sexy people in the world! And you know... Some other less attractive ones to make the host club just that much better by comparison.

Number 2!

Thinking about it wouldn't it make even more sense if Kyoya... "Took care of them?" I mean think about it, with no other guys in the school, hormonal girls would have to flock to the host club! Like supply and demand. Im thinking maybe he used a death note?Haruhi, being a girl yourself what do you think?

Haruhi-

I dont see why it matters? I mean you can't define a person based on their sex.

Me-

Haruhi I'll give you $10 toward your debt.

Haruhi-

... Money is money... Then I suppose number 2. Wouldn't it make sense that Kyoya would kill every appealing guy?

Me-

Oh yeah! And you got under the radar cuz you were an unappealing anti social book worm before!

Haruhi-

And I was a girl... Grrr

Tamaki-

Hey wait a minute! Couldn't Kyoya turn the guys into girls!

Me-

What?

Tamaki-

Yeah! Like we did with haruhi!

Haruhi-

I was a girl to begin with...

Me-

Hey Tamaki that might make sense! Sorta? I mean you did such a good job on Haruhi I guess you could make any guy look girly!

Haruhi-

GUYS I WAS ALWAYS A GIRL! WHAT THE HECK!

Tamaki-

Tono save me!

Me-

Haruhi $20.

Haruhi-

... I'll take it and leave.

Tamaki-

HARUHI! DONT LEAVE DADDY WITH THIS FAN GIRL! OH GOD SHE'S DROOLING! HELP!

Me-

Heh heh heh... Call on mommy, I bet he'll come and get you...

Tamaki-

... Oh god...

Me-

Well that's all the time we have for today! See ya next time! Here tama tama tama tama!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2!

Hola I am back baby! It's about midnight so if it's a little random... Or sleepy... Or... Blood type AB... Snooz...

Kyoya-

Tono

Me-

Oh god! Thanks sexy king- I mean shadow king!

Ok... God I just have to let you guys that he smells awesome! XD

Ok ok question time!

Btw if I haven't mentioned this can pretty much be questions on anything.

Really, not kidding- example!

Hikaru and Kaoru, have you ever read fan fiction?

Both-

We have...

Me-

And?

Hikaru-

You guys are sick! Er right Kaoru?

Kaoru-

What? Oh yeah yeah... Sure...

Kyoya-

I don't understand why I'm always paired with you two? And please there aren't any merits that come with sleeping with you... Eh right Kaoru?

Me-

XD oh god!

Hikaru-

Ruin the mood much?

Me-

Sorry, but yeah that was a quick example. So yeah anything! And we'll try to answer all questions. K?

Alright next up is... Ok so Tamaki claims to be not gay right? Even though his kingly frenchness makes us think other wise... So here i ask why did Tamaki flirt with Haruhi continuously before realizing he was a she?

Personally I don't get it... But it's true he's all Haruhi! I love you! I wanna squish your face while I geek out at how red you get! But then he's like, women are just for me. I don't roll like the shady twins! Even though my beautiful wife is Kyoya.

Kyoya-

It's a good thing mommy runs the show in most households.

Kaoru-

Hey tono?

Me-

What's up?

Hikaru-

Youre straying from the question?

Me-

Oh I think maybe uhhh you know I really don't know what to say?

Kyoya-

Obviously he's an idiot but his inner manliness told him deep down that Haruhi was a girl.

Me-

You just stole that from Prince Juliet.

Kyoya-

But it's an Answer. Better than the one you gave.

Me-

Crud... You're right.

Hikaru-

I think the boss is an all around perv and will take what he can get.

Kaoru-

Hey Hikaru about that question earlier?

Hikaru-

Yeah?

Kaoru-

Would it really be so gross if we tried some of that stuff... Especially by midnight custard?

Hikaru-

... We'd need Kyoya...

Kyoya-

What was that?

Me-

TIE HIM UP!

Twins-

Tie tie tie tie tie tie tie!

Me-

Alright take him into the next room while I sign us off!

Twins-

Right!

Kyoya-

I'm going to kill you for this...

Me-

So worth it! XD ok gonna go now before he escapes! Bye bye!

COMMENT PLEASE!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Oh my god! How's it going? You know I should just let you know now I'm being very selfish when I write these XD it makes me feel like I'm on a panel. Dreams do come true! Lol jk. But anyways guess what! Our first question of the series! Thank you XxSilentHostessxX for your questions the boys and I will be happy to answer!

Let's do it XD

Question #1!

Mori, don't you ever worry about getting in trouble while you're helping the rest of the group with a plan?

Mori-

Yeah

Me-

Anything you wanna add?

Mori-

Yeah

Me-

... Any time now?

Mori-

(he rushes over to Honny) Mitsukuni...

Honny-

What is it Takeshi?

Mori-

I think you're cute (he says with a refreshing smile... Wait where'd the cherry blossoms come from?)

Me-

*fan girl noises that can't be described through words*

Honny-

Takeshi are you sleepy?

Mori-

... Yeah

Honny-

Then you should take a nap

Mori-

Right (he strolls over to a bed left over from last chapter... Don't ask)

Me-

... What the heck? So when Honny is sleepy he's a monster, but when Mori is sleepy he's a refreshing homosexual? ... Load the coffee for when he wakes up!

Honny-

Yes sir!

Me-

Good while you do that answer Hostess's second question.

Honny, what do you find better? Friends? Or Usa chan?

Honny-

Well Usa chan is a friend! (with a little kid smile)

Me-

... Give a real answer honny, I'm the only one who's allowed to cop out

(Honny has a dark grin, like one who is possessed)

Honny-

A real answer? What's that usa chan? Tono is being a pest? We should get rid of her...

Me-

Huh?

Honny-

You see I hide a dark secret behind my sweet face...

Me-

Don't kill me! DX here some cake!

(he switches back almost instantly to happy Honny)

Honny-

Yay!

Me-

Oh my god that was a close one... Oh Mori you're up.

Mori-

Yeah

Me-

... You know what we need?

Honny-

What's that?

Me-

I don't know, anyways leave lots of questions for us to answer! XD I love you!

Honny and Mori-

We want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Please continue to visit us here at the Ouran Host Club, We'll see you then!


	4. Chapter 4

4

Well well well, here we are again? You know I just had the craziest thought. Those who use a death note don't go to heaven or hell... So what if they go to Ouran! XD lol can you imagin? L VS KYOYA! LET THE BATTLE FOR OUR SOULS BEGIN!

Ok ok enough random... Maybe

QUESTIONS!

So XxSilentHostessxX asked me, probably not seriously, why in the last chapter I made Mori a homo? I'm a huge Yaoi fan! Lol sorry had to. Not so much the hard core stuff, but the flirtatious behavior is appreciated. Lol. But in all seriousness I sorta ripped that scene off from the manga.

Thing is no one seems to read it? Idk? Maybe the anime is easier to work off of? Anyways if you didn't like it I'll re write it here when he isn't sleepy-

Mori:

Yeah. I worry about Mitsukuni's safety, especially in times like episode 7. Basically as long as Mitsukuni's happy then I'm happy to help.

Me:

:0 holy crap! THATS THE LONGEST YOU'VE EVER SPOKEN!

Mori:

Yeah.

Me:

And we're back TT-TT shame...

The next question is:

DOES OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB HAVE ANY MALE FANS?

I'm gonna break the 4th wall here. I am actually a dude, who tends to play girls... The thing is in all my school plays and stuff they always have me play the girl? But I'm clearly a guy! I swear I've worn more wigs than lady gaga. Also I am not gay... But I would be for Kyoya XD did I freak you out?

Lol I really wanna know how you reacted?

I think I'm pretty weird right now? Uhhh I'm gonna go?

LEAVE QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Hey guys! I just wanna say... NEW ZEALAND SHOULD BE IN HETALIA! lol I'm not a New Zealander, I'm American, but it's still such a great country and would so have a Switzerland and Lichtenstein kind of relation ship with England. No really look it up, it's worth it. Lol did you know they used to use a currency called the Kiwi Dollar? Epic. Ok ok...

Question Time!

Today Spirit Bunny asked:

•1•

Hikaru and Kaoru,

If you guys had a male guest who was actually openly gay and wanted to request you, what would you do? If you accepted would you treat him like the other girls?

The twins look at each other... In embarrassment

Me:

HAHAHAHA! GREAT QUESTION! THING IS I HAD A GAY GUY COME IN IN "Fox Hill" AND BEING THE CLEVER CREEPER HE IS MADE THE TWINS TOTALLY KISS DURING CLUB ACTIVITIES! HAHAHAHA!

Hikaru:

Hey! You said we'd never speak if that!

Me:

Yeah no too bad, besides I think Kaoru was fine with it?

Hikaru:

Is this true Kaoru?

Kaoru:

Well... Hikaru you don't really pay attention to me anymore thanks to that bitch Haruhi, so it was kinda nice.

Me:

XD

Hikaru:

Oh Kaoru if I had known that's how you felt I would have ditched her a long time ago

Kaoru:

Hikaru?

Hikaru:

LETS RUN AWAY TOGETHER!

(they run off cheering)

Me:

WAIT YOU GUYS STILL HAVEN'T ANSWERED BUNNY's QUESTION! sigh... I suppose if he has an IQ of 4 like the other fan girls then he's fine, and it also depends on the hotness factor, if he's really good looking they'll probably take him into the other room.

NEXT QUESTION!

Spirit Bunny Asks Morinozuka Senpai-

When Tamaki asked you in the manga if you ever wanted to kiss Honny what did you really think?

Me:

Well Morinozuka Senpai? Neh neh? Or do you need to be sleepy?

Mori:

I have

Me:

(dumb founded) wait what?

Mori:

I've kissed him

Me:

... HUH! Woah wait get Honny in here!

Honny:

What is it?

Me:

Did you and Mori really k- k- KISSU!

Twins:

Hey Tono why the random japanese?

Me:

Shut up this is important!

Honny:

Yeah we did

Me and the twins:

SAY WHAT!

Honny:

In episode 8 after everyone left I fell off the same cliff as Haruhi and Mori came in after me like the seme would.

Me:

Seme?

Twins:

Don't ask

Mori:

Then I pulled him onto shore and gave him mouth to mouth

Me:

That's it?

Mori and Honny:

Yeah

Me:

That doesn't count? Come on? If it did I would have given my first kiss to a little kid?

Twins:

Huh?

Me:

CPR CERTIFIED HECK YEAH!

twins:

More like certifiably insane.

Me:

Don't make me bring in Niji...

Twins:

We'll be good!

Me:

Heh heh heh well I hope that answers your questions! Until next time Tono is out! Peace! Or should I say pasta? I've entered a freak hetalia obsession faze? Might I become one with mother Russia? Lol Jk Kyoya still has my heart. Lol bye bye!

Mori, Honny, Hikaru, Kaoru:

We'll see you again!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Oh! I'm back! First off, Pendragon might just be the coolest last name evere. Second, and more importantly, Lol Congrats to XxSlientHostessxX for having suspicions! But yeah! Speaking of she, HERE'S OUR FIRST QUESTION! HECK YEAH!

She asks (I love her, she always leaves questions!)

Tamaki! Why do you think you're Haruhi's father? Just Confess your love to her!

Tamaki:

W- WHAT! I- I don't think in her father! I know I am!

Me:

Don't be delusional, come on

Tamaki:

N- no! That's incest!

Me:

Oh Haruhi!

Haruhi:

Yeah?

Me:

A hoh hoh hoh Tamaki?

Haruhi:

What's up senpai?

Tamaki:

H-Haruhi... I... I! L-love

Me:

SPIT IT OUT!

Tamaki:

Haruhi I l- love you!

Haruhi:

I know

Tamaki:

What do you mean!

Haruhi:

You tell me all the time

Tamaki:

But- but this time I'm serious!

Me:

Uh not the best choice of words?

Haruhi:

Love isn't something you should joke about. I'm out of here, Tono you're buying dinner tonight

Me:

Yeah yeah...

Tamaki:

What does she mean?

Me:

Oh yeah, I'm uhhh pulling a niji and I live next door?

Tamaki:

YOU- YOU! IM GONNA-

Me:

Help!

(two symmetric arms tie Tamaki up)

Me:

Woah thanks boys

Twins:

No problem, we owed you from that time we kidnapped Kyoya and-

Me:

We can reminisce later! Haha, rated t guys rated t. Oh yeah speaking of recent events, XxSilentHostessxX asks-

Twins! Do you ever separate?

Twins:

No

Me:

Not even in the shower! XD

Twins:

Why do you know that?

Me:

... KYOYA!

Kyoya:

What is it now...

Me:

A question?

Kyoya:

Fine...

Me:

Sleepy?

Kyoya:

Grrrrrr

Me:

Heh heh? Alright Hostess wants to know (really all the questions! You rock!) what's in that book of yours?

(Kyoya smiles smugly)

Kyoya:

Why don't you take a look?

Me:

I can really have this?

(takes book)

Me:

Wow a table of contents! You really are organized! ... Hmmm alright da da da da... (skimming noises) ... You have demon summing instructions? Ok we'll try that at the end. Uhh it looks like the rest of this is doodles of... Kyoya?

Kyoya:

What? Did you really think otherwise?

Me:

Uhh renege has really rubbed off on you! This is Ouran Dojinshi! Wtf!

Sigh alright Haruhi, we have a question for you.

Haruhi:

If it's about my therapy, no the cost is not deducted from my dept.

Me:

Well that wasn't exactly the answer? But yeah? ESP much? She asked you how you put up with the host club

Haruhi:

Oh well that's not what I do?

Me:

Then what do you do?

Haruhi:

I fantasize about destroying them with Kasanoda and then we write fan fiction about it.

Me:

Really? Oh this is getting long, ok ok next question! We still have to do the summoning!

Honny, do you ever eat meat? Like at dinner?

(Honny with an evil expression)

Honny:

What was that?

Me:

Oh god! Cake! Cake!

Honny:

Yay!

Me:

Mori! You should really get honny to eat a little more real food and a little less cake.

Mori:

And face that?

(gestures to evil honny who is probably gonna kill me since I woke him up for this)

Yeah, no. He can have all the came he wants.

Me:

Actually there's a question for me in here! Oh! You're so cute! You're the best! You can visit the host club whenever you want! Free of charge!

Kyoya:

Ahem

Me:

Shall I read some of you home made Yaoi to the audience?

Kyoya:

... I'll get you later

Me:

And I'll get you drunk! Shut up! Ok so XxSilentHostessxX (best ever!) asks if I think there should be more Mori in the show? Personally now that they have a drama coming out I think they'll have to put him in more! But yeah! He just doesnt get enough credit! Lol I made him a secret agent in the melancholy of Morinozuka. Lol BUN BUN GUN!

Mori:

Oh yeah, thanks for the effort

Me:

XD Mori your new lovely item is XxSilentHostessxX Honny! Go back to bed!

Honny:

Zzzz

Me:

Few, alright! Let's summon this damnation!

(draws a summoning circle with chalk and lights some candles)

Aleighty guys... Let's see how Kyoya keep control over everyone!

Santo Rita Mita Meada Ringo Jonah Tito Marlon Jack La Toya Janet Michael Dumbledora the Explorer, Santo Rita Mita Meada Ringo Jonah Tito Marlon Jack La Toya Janet Michael Dumbledora the Explorer!

(The circle started to glow green!)

Yes! Rise! Rise! Hahaha! Come take down all my enemies!

(a head with white hair rises with a Russian accent)

Russia:

You called?

Me:

...

Host club:

...

Me:

It's so cute? This is the demon we summoned?

Kyoya:

I've used that spell many a time but a gender neutral chibi thing has never once shown itself?

Me:

Your purpose? Magic little head?

Russia:

You become one with mother Russia da?

Me:

Host club get out! I'm going on a journey to send him back to his anime!

(pushes the head back into the circle and goes in after it)

Host club:

Uhhh we'll see you next time?


End file.
